I cannot believe we have been in Ohio for just a few months now - it feels like we've been here for ages. For the most part we live among the Ohioans, blindly accepted as one of them, remaining mostly undetected as former New Yorkers. Occasionally someone picks up on it like when I said "no thanks, I don't drink caw-fee" the other day, but those incidents are rare.

The kids are doing great and have adjusted very well to our new life in Ohio. Zack got a straight A report card filled with wonderful comments from his teacher. We are especially proud of him since the grading system is harder here -- a 90 is considered a B -- can you believe it?. Just recently Zack received the Principal's Award for Academic Excellence. His sport of choice this Fall was golf, and he's signed up for soccer in the Spring. We recently got a chance to read some of Zack's journal writing from school and in it he chronicled not only our move to Ohio and our new experiences here, but also the specific details of exactly how much we got for our house in NY, how long it took to sell, etc. Who knew he was paying attention while he had his head buried in his Game Boy?

Jackie is as happy and crazy as ever, and, I'm delighted to report, is now potty trained!!! As her reward for getting out of diapers, she has begun taking dance classes - both ballet and tap - which she loves. Lately we have playing all those classic "no reading needed" games like Candy Land and Chutes and Ladders. Most days she's decked out in princess dresses, tiaras and heels.

Everyone always asks us "So, what time is it there?" Just to clarify, we are in the same time zone as New York. Despite the fact that Ohio is considered a "mid-western" state, it is still in the EST time zone - go figure!!! Now granted, the central time zone is pretty close to us, it's just over in the next state. Because of this location, the sun rises and sets here about a whole hour later than it does in New York, which is actually very nice. I can forgive people for asking about the time thing; however, because I'm guilty of this every time I speak with our friend Janet in Texas or Hillary in Singapore!

We fit in so well here that my recent big realization was that it's like we've always been Ohioans that just happened to be living in New York for awhile. We're happy to be "home"!

It's been several months since my last update, so be forewarned that this is a long one! There's lots to tell since things here continue to be as wacky and comical as ever.

VISITORS
About a month after we arrived in Ohio, Jet Blue began offering very inexpensive flights to Columbus and we enjoyed lots of company in October as a result. Our friend Jim got the coveted "First Visitor Award" and edged out my sister Janet for that honor by just one week. It was great to have him visit but we soon realized that the only things we had planned to do while he was here was eat at various interesting restaurants. We decided to take him on a short trip down to Kentucky as well as over to Indiana so he could see the whole "Tri-State" area here. Kentucky was pretty uneventful, but on our way to Indiana we got off the beaten path and ended up in a VERY rural area where we traveled along a narrow dirt/gravel road through the middle of miles of tall cornfields. In a very bizarre turn of events, we happened upon a group of teenagers parked along the road holding guns. There was no way to turn around so we had to keep going and pass between them. So I'm thinking, how ironic is this - we live in NY our whole lives without issue, and now here we are about to die in the cornfields in Indiana at the hands of these backwoods folks. Well, as we got closer we realized they were holding paintball guns which we come to find out they play in the cornfields around here, but nonetheless it was a little unnerving to squeeze our shiny 2006 SUV between them and their rusted pick-up trucks. The good news is that we escaped unharmed, not even pelted by one paintball, vowing to never return to Indiana again except via the interstate.

The next visitors were my sister Janet and her daughters, Mary & Hannah. We managed to better prepare for them and plan a few things other than just eating out, including attending the yearly riverfront festival of tall ships. We had a really good time and I'm happy to report that the crickets and giant spiders didn't come out to play while they were here (see "Bugs" below)

Peter's parents came to visit the following week and we also had a quick visit from Peter's brother-in-law Jack who was in town on business. It was funny because my mother-in-law, who always brings candy and goodies for the kids, had actually packed so much candy that her baggage was too heavy to go on the plane. Thankfully she was able to transfer the candy to her carry-on bag because there's no way she was going to show up without goodies!!! Peter's parent's visit unfortunately coincided with our first struggle with Ohio germs with both kids getting sick at the end of the week, but we still had a great visit. November was quiet and then December brought visits from my sister Leah one week and Peter's brother-in-law Jack the next. Interestingly enough they both happen to work for companies that have offices about 15 minutes away from here, which we didn't know until after we had bought the house. Weird, huh? Jack was officially our first repeat visitor. We are expecting another visit from Peter's parents around New Years, and our friend Kyle is coming over February break. Let us know if you want to come visit, dates are booking up quickly!

NO, I DON'T WANT TO BUY THAT!
During out first few months here we found that Ohio is full of high-pressure sales people. Thankfully the sales calls have died down because if I had bought everything that salesmen came to my home and tried to sell me, I would be out over $25,000. It started out innocently enough with kids selling candy for school, then escalated to gutter covers, replacement windows, basement remodeling, water softeners and finally, meat. Two salesmen tied as my favorite: 1) the water softener guy, who set up all sorts of beakers, test tubes and various experiments and spent TWO HOURS at the house entertaining us with his antics. I'm not sure how many scientists wear red suspenders over their flannel shirt like this guy did, but it was interesting nonetheless; and 2) the meat salesman who was just some random dude who pulled his van into the driveway and tried to sell me pounds and pounds of frozen meat citing the problem that "the freezer runs off the van battery so I can't turn off the van until I sell all this meat." Has there ever been a better reason to buy meat from a stranger in your driveway? After politely saying no at least 5 times, he got the hint, headed off to the next house and hasn't been back.

BUGS
By far, one of the biggest adjustments we have had to make is dealing with the bug population. I saw more crickets when we first moved here than I had over my whole life. I'm used to hearing crickets at night, but these crickets would chirp ALL DAY LONG, and at night they could become deafeningly loud. Thankfully they have flown south for the winter, or whatever crickets do this time of year. When it was still warm a random cricket would occasionally make its way into the house. My rule is that as long as you stay outside, we're cool; however, the minute you come in the house, you are a dead critter. Now, I can usually remain calm with any bug that doesn't fly at me, but the first time I saw a cricket in the house, I completely freaked out. Unfortunately I cannot bring myself to just step on a bug that size because of the possibility of hearing it crunch or feeling it through my sneaker - I can't handle that. So instead I got out my trusty fly-swatter and slammed him as hard as I could. Yeah, well who knew those critters were so tough - it barely fazed him! I must have then hit this poor cricket at least 17 more times with the fly swatter, screaming each time like a lunatic in fear that he was going to turn around and leap at me or something. Now, don't go calling the ASPCA on me - that was the only incident of that kind.

Crickets aside, I have been enjoying observing the rest of the bug population here. I can deal with the giant jumping spiders, and I'm happy because I haven't come across any bees! By far my favorite bugs have been the very cool Stick Bug and scary Unnamed-Icky-Bug pictured below. I'm grateful to the nice zoom on my camera since I'm certainly not brave enough to get this close to either of them:

HOLIDAYS
We've had our first few holidays here in Ohio. Halloween provided us with a few new experiences. First of all, in NY we always went to hoity-toity pumpkin farms where they have gone through the pumpkins ahead of time, picked out the pretty ones, and laid them out in a nice green pasture for us to "pick our own." Well, in Ohio "picking your own" is a whole different story. Unfortunately we had chosen a very blustery day to go pumpkin picking and both Peter and I were sick, so it was doomed from the beginning. Here, you actually get to trek through the dirty, tangled mess of vines of the real pumpkin patch. Once you find that perfect pumpkin, you have to deal with the fact that this pumpkin is STILL ATTACHED to the vine. No one told us we needed to bring a machete with us to pick our pumpkin in order to severe it from it's viney umbilical cord. As it was we apparently went too late in the season because the pickings were real slim. Peter referred to the mess of the half-decayed and crushed pumpkin patch as the "Pumpkin Blight of 2006." Jackie was heard to have said "ewwwwwwwwwwww" quite a few times. Alas we left the pumpkin patch empty handed. Don't worry - I had already purchased some picture perfect pumpkins from the food store, which were incredibly cheap, so we didn't have to go without.

As Halloween approached we learned that like most things, Halloween works a little differently here in Ohio. In New York the trick-or-treaters would start around 3:30 and trickle in all afternoon and evening until about 9:30. Once 8:30 hit I would start to get annoyed because I just wanted to get in my pajamas and sit, watch TV and relax. In Ohio each township sets a designated 2 hour block of time for trick-or-treating. Here in Liberty the designated time was 6-8pm. Of course I rejected the fact that this concept would actually work, so at 3:00 I start preparing for the kids to start arriving. Do you know that NOT ONE child showed up before 6:00PM? I was completely astounded. The first child arrived promptly at 6:00 and the last kid came running up to the door at 7:59 yelling "I HAVE ONE MORE MINUTE!!!!" Of course in that 2 hour block the stream of kids was non-stop; however the kids do not ring the doorbell - they either stand at the door or if absolutely necessary, they knock. I have come to find out that since those 2 hours are so busy, that most of my neighbors just sit outside their house and hand out the candy. Actually, many sit at the end of their driveways so the kids don't even have to walk up to the house. How cool is that? The kids can basically just walk by and grab the candy - picture runners grabbing cups of water during a marathon. Our neighbors told us to expect about 250 kids and I'd say that's a pretty accurate assessment of how many we got. Zack went as Darth Vader (again) and Jackie went as a Princess (again).

We then had our first Thanksgiving here in Ohio. We briefly considered following the local tradition of deep-frying the turkey; however, since everyone strongly recommended doing it in the middle of the backyard with a fire extinguisher handy, we thought better of it. We chickened out and cooked our turkey the old-fashioned way, escaping a potentially hideously disfiguring calamity. Maybe next year we'll be more brave. As it was, the dinner turned out very well. Unfortunately Monty ate the wishbone that we had left out to dry on the window sill. Just yesterday Zack finally got around to asking what happened to it and he was not happy to hear of its fate. Who knows what our first Ohio Christmas has in store for us!

YARDWORK AND MORE YARDWORK
Yardwork - oh dear! Considering that in New York we had a small amount of land, one tree and a landscaper, we were in for a rude awakening about how much yard work needs to get done around here. Apparently lots of trees = LOTS of leaves! Who knew? We recruited Zack to help us rake one weekend and he then presented us with an itemized invoice for $16.20 for his raking/bagging services! Since then we have made raking part of his normal chores and although he's not too thrilled about it, he does cooperate. I think back to all those times in NY when we had a leaf-free lawn while our neighbors had blankets of leaves covering their grass. Who is laughing now???? Not us! Peter is enjoying shopping for and pricing out riding mowers with all sorts of neat attachments for leaves, snow, etc., and we're also starting to look into landscapers.

With all the leaves down, we can really see the front of the house and it is so nice! We looked back at a summer picture and nearly half of the house is covered by one giant tree in the front yard. So we did it… We had that tree cut down and we are very happy with the results. Don't worry, the 21 other trees are all still standing…. for now. The pictures below offer a before-and-after comparison of the front of the house - sorry the light in the second one was not as good. In addition to the removal of the tree, please note that the "lovely" statue by the front door is gone (we found her a new home) and the addition of the giant satellite dish on the roof.

SPORTS FREAKS
So let's talk sports for a moment. In NY there were a lot of sports teams to choose from - Mets, Yankees, Giants, Jets, Islanders, Rangers…. Don't worry, I know they're not all the same sport. My point is that there were always fans for all the different teams. Here in Cincinnati there is one baseball team - the Reds - and one football team - the Bengals. Right now we are in football season and the sea of Bengals paraphernalia is EVERYWHERE. I'm not sure if they are more into sports here, or it's just more noticeable because only one team is focused on at any one point, but it's completely out of control. Of course they have all the traditional sports apparel - shirts, hats, jackets, but some of the more unique items I've seen are Bengals Santa hats, Bengals ice cream (Edy's brand with little chocolate footballs in it - very tasty!!) and Bengals Cornhole games. It's a very popular pastime around here, despite its unpleasant sounding name. Also, it seems that Bengals jerseys are acceptable work attire here. Go into the foodstore on a Sunday gameday and you'll find more employees in Bengals jerseys than in regular uniforms. Most of the secretarial staff at Zack's school were decked out in jerseys when I went there the other day. We only caught the tail-end of the Reds season when we moved here, but it seems like they go just as overboard for the Reds too.

CLEANING WOES
Anyone who knows me well will be surprised to learn that I've been cleaning my own house since we moved here. This is after 5 years of having a cleaning woman and let me tell you, I'm not happy about it. I don't like it and I'm not particularly good at it, but I've been trying my best and doing ok I think. That being said, the other day Peter suggested getting a cleaning lady and within 5 minutes I had appointments for 3 cleaning services to come give us an estimate. I was disappointed to find out that house cleaning is not one of those things that is cheaper here in Ohio. In fact, several of the companies I called were more than double what I paid in New York. Oh well, I've since moved on to looking on Craigslist to see if I can find an independent cleaner who might be more reasonable. I haven't yet chosen one, but believe me, I plan to, ever if it's one of the expensive ones. When people ask me what I miss most about New York I often respond "Sandra, my cleaning lady" and that is not far from the truth!!!

THE WHITE DEATH
Last week we had our first Ohio experience with snow, AKA "The White Death." Many, many people have warned us of the paralyzing affect that snow has on this area. Don't think it's very snowy here, we get exactly the same amount of snow here that we did on Long Island; however, they are apparently not equipped to deal with any snow at all and do a poor job of cleaning the roads. Thankfully we have a 4WD vehicle to help us through when necessary. We understand that the mere threat of snow sends people flocking to the foodstore to empty the shelves of milk and bread and even an inch or two of snow can close school for the day. I bravely ventured out during The White Death, which totaled about ½ inch, and there was actually a woman in the store distraught with worry about her husband getting home safely. I wanted to yell, "It stopped snowing 2 hours ago, the sun melted all the snow and roads are clear!!!!!!!!!!!" But that wouldn't have been very Ohioan of me, so I remained silent. Good grief, it should be a fun winter!

MORE UNIQUE OHIO STUFF
Occasionally we forget that we are living in a very religious area, and then suddenly we'll come across something like the giant building-sized Jesus statue pictured below.

If you had any doubt, people take their religion very seriously around here. They also love holidays as is evidenced by the tremendous amount of houses in our neighborhood decorated for Christmas. In NY we had one of the more decorated houses; here we are put to shame. We did set up a giant blow up Santa with snow globe since now we have a front yard that's big enough for that, but our decorations still pale in comparison. Oh well, there's always next year!!!

In my last email I lamented the pathetic and disgusting nature of Ohio pizza. YOU PEOPLE IN NEW YORK DON'T KNOW HOW GOOD YOU'VE GOT IT!!!!!!!!!!! After trying every type of pizza out here we had pretty much given up hope of ever having good pizza again. Then a miracle occurred and we found Fratelli's - a pizza place that claims they serve New York Style Pizza. Well lo and behold, it was real pizza as we know it and we were so excited! Now we still have to deal with the fact that no one here sells pizza by the slice, nor do they open before 4pm, but just knowing real pizza is available is good enough for us.

I'm continually amazed at the driving habits of the Ohioans. You know when you're driving and you see a sign that your lane is ending and you need to merge up ahead? Well here they actually merge over right away, despite whether or not traffic is backed up. Of course when I'm feeling particularly New Yorker-ish this affords me the perfect opportunity to zoom up past the stopped traffic and cut in up at the very end of the lane, usually yelling "SUCKERS!!!" I'm also very impressed with the Ohioans skills at intersections with 4 stop signs. There are many of these intersections here and everyone has it down to an exact science of who goes when. It's a beautiful thing to watch, almost like a choreographed ballet, and usually goes very smoothly. On rare occasions two people will try to go at the same time at which point they both stop, look at each other, laugh good naturedly and one waves the other on. The first time I saw this I was dumbfounded. I was like, where is the slamming on the horn? Where are the rude hand gestures and dirty looks?

Last but not least, I continue to be amused by the way people talk in Cincinnati - here's the latest installment of the New Yorker to Ohio pronunciation guide for those of you keeping track:

So that's the latest with the Elia family out in Ohio!!! We wish everyone a joyous holiday season and a happy & healthy new year!

Take care, Charlotte